


something lonesome about you (something so wholesome about you)

by minseokies



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Cat Jongdae, Cats, Grief, Loss, M/M, Mental Illness, Minseok is a garden witch, Mourning, Multi, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Witchcraft, Witches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22779415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minseokies/pseuds/minseokies
Summary: “ It would not be clever or useful to panic.What would be clever and useful would be to figure out where he was, and why he’d turned into a cat.But Jongdae, at that moment, didn’t have the capacity to think about what was clever or useful, as, in case it was not obvious before, he’d somehow turned into a cat.“Or where garden witch Minseok is mourning the death of his boyfriend, finds a little cat and calls him Chen.Somewhere along the way they help each other heal.
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin
Comments: 17
Kudos: 45





	1. And I couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted

There are some days when Minseok can’t move. 

Can’t move for the hurt, or for the feeling of numbness that spreads throughout his body.  
Sometimes on those days he thinks of nothing, and sleeps all day but never actually gets any rest. Sometimes on days like those he cant stop thinking. Can’t stop thinking of what could have been, what was.  
There are pieces of Luhan all over the apartment, if not physically.  
When Luhan died, and when Minseok hadn’t got out of bed or showered for a week, his brother Junmyeon had tried to help, had suggested he moved, or at least put Luhan’s things into storage.  
So Minseok sold some of Luhan’s things, or put the more precious things into storage or boxes under his bed or on top of his wardrobe, but he couldn’t bring himself to move.

This was their apartment.  
Where they moved in together, with nothing but hope and excitement for the future.  
This was where they loved.  
And Minseok couldn’t leave that behind. 

So he cultivated it.  
He turned his loss into something productive, finally learning the witchcraft that Luhan and Junmyeon and Yixing and his other friends and family loved so much.  
Minseok tried to turn his pain into beauty.  
He bought plants.  
As many as possible; different species and uses and stories and histories. He bought them back from the near dead and looked after them as best as he could. And then, when he’d become more proficient in witchcraft, he began to sell little home remedies he made to people. They were nothing incredible, but it felt good to help people. 

Although, he still had bad days.  
Like today.  
He wakes up at two in the afternoon, having not slept until five in the morning, tossing and turning around in bed and just waiting to finally fall asleep. He’d had some weird dreams as well, leaving him shaken and worried. So he makes a chamomile tea to calm his nerves. As usual, he does a tea leaf reading. It didn’t use to say anything of any importance.  
But for the fifth day in a row, the tea leaves tell him something different to usual.  
A cross like an X.  
Definitely not just a coincidence. 

He snaps a photo and sends it to his brother.  
“Is this a problem?”  
His brother texts him back five minutes later. “I’m on my way.” 

Junmyeon all but bursts through the door of his apartment.  
“Hi Junmyeon,” Minseok calls from where he’s putting the kettle on in the kitchen. Junmyeon joins him at the doorway, arms crossed across his chest and a frown on his face.  
(It’s times like these that Minseok really thinks he looks like their mother. But he’d never say that, ever.)  
“How long have you been getting those warning signs?” He really does look like their mother: disappointed, one eyebrow raised.  
“Five days?” MInseok turns back to the tea he’s stirring and takes a sip. Too hot.  
He hands one to Junmyeon.  
“Five days?” His brother takes a sip and makes a face when he scalds his tongue a little. “Hyung!”  
“Junmyeon!”  
“Did you not think this could be about something serious?”  
“Well,” Minseok sets his tea back down on the wooden countertop. “I’m not sure, that’s why I called you... none of my spells have worked recently. Or, not as well as I want them to.” Truthfully, he wasn’t sure whether it was a problem. Mental health and willingness do sometimes have an effect on craft, but not to the point where nothing at all works.  
Junmyeon chews on his bottom lip as he thinks.  
“Sounds like you’re going through... a dry spell.”  
Junmyeon’s face breaks into a wide smile.  
Minseok wants to hit him.  
He does. 

Junmyeon is sitting on the sofa sending him hurt looks as he spreads out his tarot cards.  
“If your jokes weren’t so bad, I would never hit you.”  
“At this moment, hyung, you need me more than I need you.”  
It’s true. Minseok has never quite picked up tarot the way his brothers did, so often has to call upon Junmyeon. He’s never had the patience to properly learn the cards and what they all mean, but its all as well because Junmyeon is the perfect divination witch.  
Minseok has let his brother inspect the the leaves at the bottom of his mug, once again showing the X for warning, and lights an incense stick on his little mahogany coffee table. The sun is beginning to set outside, and golden light is thrown across the table, illuminating Junmyeon’s hands as he shuffles his tarot deck.  
He holds them out, and Minseok chooses three.  
Junmyeon lays them face down on the table, and Minseok turns the first one over.  
Junmyeon frowns.  
No tarot cards are sinister, or evil, or predict anything terrible. For example, Death is probably the most misunderstood card in a deck, but it signifies a change, usually a good change.  
Minseok has drawn the ten of swords: a man lying face down with ten swords sticking out of his back.  
“An unwelcome change.” Says Junmyeon, his face blank.  
Minseok reaches to turn over another card. The tower. Something dark wraps itself around Minseok’s heart and he feels his stomach clench.  
“Huh.”  
“What?” Minseok regrets not learning tarot properly because Junmyeon really drags out his explanations.  
“Well, you’re definitely going to experience something strange. Something is going to destroy the peace and harmony you live in currently.”  
Minseok’s stomach seems to drop through the floor. He should have taken the warning signs more carefully, because now it seems like something terrible is about to happen, and he hasn’t prepared at all.  
It’s taken him so long to achieve this sense of balance again, to achieve some harmony after years of living in fear. He just wants to stay as he is.  
Finally, he turns the third card.  
The hanged man.  
“This means surrender, or martyrdom.”  
Minseok wishes he’d never asked Jun to do a reading for him, often prefers to live his life in perfect ignorance.  
“Hyung, I didn’t offer to do a reading just so you can get scared and worry about everything.”  
Minseok crosses his legs and sighs.  
“I don’t want anything to change.”  
“None of these are bad, necessarily.”  
Minseok gathers their mugs and moves to go wash them up. He hates leaving dirty things out. His brother catches him by the arm as he walks past.  
“Hyung... you would tel me if you were getting bad again, wouldn’t you?”  
“I’m fine.” Minseok doesn’t know if he’s lying or not.  
“The cards... maybe something good will finally happen?“  
Minseok can only hope so. 

🌱

Kim Jongdae is tired.  
Really really tired.  
His shift went on for way longer than it was supposed to because of someone going home sick, even though he’d explained to his boss that he couldn’t be home late today.  
He really, really couldn’t afford to be late.  
His boyfriend was coming to visit him; he’d been on a business trip in China and wanted Jongdae to pick him up from the airport.  
He hadn’t been able to phone him to let him know he couldn’t leave work.  
All he wants to do is lay down in the bath, and then go to sleep.  
As he walks up the stairs to his apartment, he can feel his stomach growling at him, complaining. He’s not eaten a proper meal in days, not making enough money to support himself, and the money Jaehyun left him being not enough to do a full grocery shop.  
He reaches his door, and fumbles for his keys, but stops short when he realises that the door is already open. He slowly pushes it open, peaking his head into the apartment, and frowns when he sees nothing has been disturbed.  
“Hello?” He calls out, not knowing whether to shut the door behind him or not.  
“Hello Jongdae.” Jaehyun comes out from the kitchen, a mug of coffee in his hand. “Nice of you to join me.”  
Jongdae’s face lights up and he runs toward his boyfriend, who stops him by putting a hand on his chest.  
“Nice of you to pick me up from the airport today.”  
Jongdae’s heart drops and he suddenly feels very small.  
“I’m so sorry- my boss wouldn’t let me go and I wasn’t allowed to go on my phone and_”  
“Hey,” Jaehyun’s hand goes to cup his cheek and Jongdae tries not to tremble. He kisses Jongdae slowly, and Jongdae nearly releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  
“I don’t believe you.”  
Jongdae’s feels sick with dread. 

🌱

When Minseok had finally convinced Junmyeon to go home and that really, he would be fine, he gathered the ingredients for a spell.  
He lit another stick of incense, sandalwood, and drew a bath, cutting of some sprigs of rosemary and lavender for protection. Even if his magic wasn’t working, he could at least try and meditate some, try and clear the black cloud that’s been working its way around his mind ever since Junmyeon left.  
He lights some candles on the side of the bath and sprinkles some rose petals in (purely for the aesthetic) and finally climbs in and lays down, submerging himself in the water.  
He stays in the bath, reading a book, feeling the near boiling water cleanse his skin, and only when the skin on his fingers and hands begins to prune does he even think about getting out.  
But he’s interrupted by a crash next door.  
A crash, followed by a shout.  
Minseok jumps out of the bath, and scrubs himself dry with a towel before putting some clothes on. He puts his ear to the wall, because this has happened before, if this is what he thinks it is.  
He can hear a deep voice shouting, “Tell me who you were with!”  
And a different one replying, but what he’s saying is muffled.  
Minseok winces at the crashes that follow the latter’s reply.  
There’s more shouting, another crash, and Minseok doesn’t waste anymore time.  
(He thinks about his neighbour, a small man with dark curly hair and a wide smile).  
Minseok doesn’t think he would ever forgive himself if he didn’t do anything.  
He runs through his apartment, skidding slightly on the wooden floor, and out into the corridor, where he knocks loudly and repeatedly on the neirbour’s door.  
There’s more shuffling he can hear from inside, before someone opens the door a crack, and Jongdae peaks his head into the gap.  
“Jongdae...” Minseok starts, realising that his neighbour looks like a wreck. His hair is messy like someone has grabbed it, and there are tears in his eyes.  
“Hello Minseok, it’s not really a good time at the moment...”  
“No, I,” Minseok realised he didn’t really have a plan of what to do next. “I was wondering if you’re okay? I can call the police? Or, or you could hide at mine for a while?”  
Jongdae goes pale as he looks over his shoulder. “No, I... I’m fine thank you, Minseok. I hope you have a good night.”  
He closes the door, and Minseok goes back to his own apartment, feeling drained.  
He didn’t hear anything else from his neighbour’s apartment throughout the rest of the night, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t still feel sick with worry. 

Minseok didn’t hear from Jongdae again, or anything from inside the other apartment, until three days later.  
It was around mid-afternoon, and he’d just got home from work, when he heard a light knock on his door. He opened it cautiously, to see two men. The first, the one who’d knocked, had wire frame glasses and slightly down turned mouth, more evident with the frown on his face. The other was tall, with wide eyes and a mop of dark brown hair.  
“Hi, erm, I’m Baekhyun, and this is Chanyeol. we’re Jongdae’s friends?... Have you heard anything from him, or seen him at all? Recently?”  
Minseok frowned, and felt the worry from the other day come straight back. “No, why?”  
Chanyeol spoke up. “We had lunch plans on Thursday, but he didn’t turn up.”  
“We haven’t heard from him since.”  
Minseok saw tears begin to well up in the Baekhyun’s eyes, and the other put a comforting hand on his shoulder.  
He chewed on his lip as he thought.  
“Do you want to come in? I might be able to help.”  
The two nodded, and he led them to the living room. They accepted his offer of tea, so he passed out the cups and poured it, before sitting on the armchair and taking a breath.  
“I saw him on Wednesday night.”  
Baekhyun looked even more worried, and Chanyeol’s eyes got wider.  
“I, um, went to check on him, because it sounded like he was fighting with someone, but he said he was fine.” 

He felt horribly sick at the two men’s reactions. Chanyeol looked like he was about to cry and Baekhyun put his head in his hands.  
“It’s his boyfriend.” The smaller man said, taking off his glasses and rubbing his left eye slightly. “We’ve told him so many times he has to leave that bastard but he’s so scared. He won’t even talk about it to us.”  
They sat in silence, no one really knowing what to say.  
“You...” It was Chanyeol. Minseok looked at him.  
“You’re a witch, aren’t you?”  
Minseok stops sipping his tea, unsure of how to react. “Yes? Yes, I am.”  
“We are too.” He puts his tea down and strokes Baekhyun’s back lightly, and then continued, “Jongdae does know. He’s... he’s like our familiar.”  
“We know it’s unusual, but he has a really strong energy.”  
Minseok puts down his cup of tea. “Does he have any magic of his own?”  
Baekhyun shook his head. “No, he... he just emits this very strong aura, but he has no control over it. You must have noticed that sometimes your magic is stronger? If you live next to him?”  
“It was weak recently- nothing has worked for me the last week.”  
“If he was worried about his boyfriend, or fighting, then it wouldn’t work.”  
They didn’t stay much longer; Baekhyun helped him clear the teacups away, and as they left, Chantel gave him a small amber amulet that he pressed into his hand as thanks.  
When he’d waved them off, Minseok leant his back against the door and sighed, praying to the universe and calling out to every power that Jongdae was okay.


	2. All is fleeting (but all is good)

When Jongdae woke up, he was cold. And his nose itched.   
He twitched it, but it didn’t stop it itching. So he tried to scratch it with his paw-  
He looked down, and the first thing he noticed was that he had paws. Paws. Like a cat.   
The second thing was he was a lot closer to the ground than he normally would be.   
In panic, he tried to turn around, and upon seeing a tail, let out what should have been a scream.   
Instead, what came out of his mouth was a very indignant meow.   
It would not be clever or useful to panic.   
What would be clever and useful would be to figure out where he was, and why he’d turned into a cat.   
But Jongdae, at that moment, didn’t have the capacity to think about what was clever or useful, as, in case it was not obvious before, he’d somehow turned into a cat. 

Panicking was tiring if you were a cat.   
So was walking from the dark alley he had been in to what he assumed was his old apartment block- it appeared a lot bigger than it used to be and he was confused. He also wasn’t big enough for the automatic doors to walk. So he sneakily hid behind a trash can so that when someone entered the door, he could sneak in behind them.   
Now he was in the building, and very proud of himself. He licked at a paw nonchalantly as he contemplated the elevator vs stairs.   
The elevator would be so much less effort, but, for starters he wouldn’t be able to press the right buttons, and secondly, people might think it strange that a cat might want to use the elevator by himself.   
So Jongdae started up the stairs, counting the flights one, two, three, four, until he got to his floor. He pattered along the grey carpet until he came to his door.   
And then he stopped.   
Because apart from the initial panic, he hadn’t really thought about this in depth.   
Kim Jongdae, a human, had somehow been turned into a cat.   
He couldn’t get into his apartment- he didn’t have any keys.   
Besides, if Jaehyun was still there...  
shit. He’d forgotten about his boyfriend.   
All he could remember before he woke up as a cat was managing to escape from his boyfriend’s fists, and running out into the rain, battered and bruised.   
Jongdae the cat curls into a little miserable ball, his tail swaying without his permission.   
He was stuck.   
Jaehyun... he’d be worried about Jongdae, he’d be angry that Jongdae isn’t replying or answering his phone.   
When he turned back to a human...  
If?  
He didn’t even know.   
Jongdae felt like crying.   
But cats can’t cry. 

🌱

If Minseok hadn’t been looking at his phone, he wouldn’t have kicked the cat.   
Which, understandably, made a little meowing sound and jumped out of the way.   
“I’m sorry,” Minseok put his bag of shopping down and held out his hand for the cat to come toward if it wanted. The little cat took a tentative step forward, and rubbed it’s little face on his hand, and Minseok chuckled as it started to purr as he stroked it’s soft ears.   
The cat was a silver tabby, with big green eyes and very cute little white paws.   
Inwardly, Minseok did a little squeal of excitement, and he gathered the cat into his arms, who happily rubbed it’s face on his sweater. 

He let himself into the apartment and set the cat down on the kitchen floor, and immediately went through his cupboards trying to find something to eat. He came across some cooked fish in his fridge that he was saving for leftovers, but the little cat’s big round eyes looked so pleading that he placed the fish on a small plate and put it down on the floor for the little cat. The fish was gone not even in minutes, the tabby licking around his mouth and closing his eyes in happiness, one tiny ear flicking slightly.   
“Where do you come from?” Minseok wondered out loud, and motioned for the cat to follow him to the sofa. He picked up his laptop and typed into the search bar   
‘missing cats nearby’.   
The tabby had trotted along happily behind him, and made a happy little ‘prrp’ sound as it jumped up on the sofa. Minseok winced as it began kneading at his thighs, but gave it’s ears a scratch anyway.   
Nothing came up about a missing cat, just a link to a social media post by Baekhyun and Chanyeol - Minseok had come to know them quite well in the week that he’d last seen them - about trying to figure out Jongdae’s whereabouts. They still hadn’t heard anything from him, and Minseok found himself getting more and more worried.   
I should have intervened. Was one of the thoughts that was constantly going through his mind.   
I should have done something, I should have helped him, I should’ve let him hide in my apartment, I should have...  
He was pulled out of this spiral by a little paw setting itself on his hand. The little cat looked quite concerned (or as concerned as cats can look) and Minseok smiled.   
“What do I do with you?” He wondered out loud again, watching fondly as the tabby began to bat about and play with the drawstrings of his joggers. 

🌱

In Jongdae’s defence, it was very hard to not play with the strings. It was just that when Minseok moved, so did the strings. And for some reason Jongdae’s little kitty brain stopped thinking of anything logical and just went crazy.   
Jongdae stops biting at the string and freezes on his back when he sees Minseok laughing at him fondly. He spits it out, and curls up half on Minseok’s thigh, just a little bit embarrassed.   
He still feels scared. He has no idea what happened to him. He doesn’t even know what day it is. But he’s glad that it’s Minseok who found him.   
They didn’t know each other well, not really. But when Jongdae first moved into this apartment a year ago, before Jaehyun, he remembers Minseok helping him move some boxes. They’d made small talk, nothing deep, mostly about what they did for a living.   
As it turned out, they were to be next door neighbours. As Jongdae was opening the door for the first time and Minseok was struggling to carry the two heaviest boxes, someone had come out of Minseok’s door, carrying a handful of shopping bags.   
“Minseok?” The other man had said, obviously slightly confused. He’d then looked over at Jongdae. “Oh, you must be the new neighbour?”  
Jongdae had nodded shyly, “yeah, Kim Jongdae.”   
“I’m Luhan, and I’m guessing you know Minseok already.” The other man’s face had broken into a beautiful smile.   
“It’s nice to meet you.”   
“You too!” Luhan put his hand on Minseok’s arm gently and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m going shopping, I’ll see you later?”   
Minseok nodded and smiled back.   
He looked at him with so much love. Jongdae smiled to himself and wished in the back of his mind that someone would look at him that way. 

Even though they never really talked, only when they met in the elevator or on the stairs, or the couple of times Minseok knocked on his door to check on him, Jongdae knew that Minseok was nice, that out of anyone he knew that had to find him transformed into a cat, Minseok was a good person to be with.   
God knows Baekhyun or Chanyeol would just torment him probably buy him a little cat sweater that would be hideous and uncomfortable and-  
His heart sank as he thought of his friends. Were they okay? Were they worried, looking for him? A glance at the laptop on Minseok’s knee confirmed his worry. On the screen was a picture of the three of them, a circle around his own face, smiling and happy. The title next to the picture was “Missing: Kim Jongdae.”   
They must be so worried. He thought, They must be so worried and there’s nothing I can do.   
He jumped a bit when Minseok put his hand on his head and started to stroke behind his ears.   
Minseok moved the laptop, scooped Jongdae into his arms and stood up, dialling his phone. Jongdae tried to wiggle out of his hold but Minseok was really quite strong.  
“Hello, can I speak to Kyungsoo please?” He heard Minseok say into his phone   
There was a pause, and Minseok paced around the living area of the apartment as Jongdae continued to squirm.   
“Soo! I need some help-“ Jongdae took the opportunity to jump back down onto the sofa and began to wash his paws. Being picked up and cuddled was strange when you were a cat. It didn’t happen a lot when he was a human though, so he didn’t have strong feelings on it before. But it was scary being so far away from the ground and being so small. Just like how everything was scary and new. For the third time since waking up as a cat Jongdae realised he had absolutely no idea what to do- the thought of the future terrified him. 

🌱

It took Kyungsoo an hour to arrive.  
Minseok had never been happier to have a friend who was a vet.   
“Can you figure out where he came from?”   
Kyungsoo had the grey cat on his knee, poking around his neck. The little cat stayed still, obviously not very happy with being poked and prodded like this.   
Kyungsoo hummed in thought, and began to stroke the top of the cat’s head.   
“He doesn’t have a chip. You said you couldn’t find any missing notices, right?”  
Minseok shook his head, “there was nothing.”   
Kyungsoo stood, picking up the cat like it was a baby, and stood opposite Minseok where he was leaning his arms on his kitchen counter. “You can probably keep him then.”   
Minseok frowned, looking at the cat. The cat looked back at him and blinked.   
“Really?”   
“Well if he doesn’t have an owner... I can’t keep him. And if you can’t think of anyone else who can, I’ll have to drop him off in a rescue centre.”   
Minseok could have sworn he saw the little cat’s eyes widen and he began to scrabble in the vet’s arms. Typical of Kyungsoo to be so blunt.   
As Minseok looked at the cat, he felt something in him telling him that yes, yes he should keep the cat. Junmyeon had said something was changing, and Minseok could feel it.   
He hadn’t acknowledged it until now, but it was something that he’d been feeling for months.   
He’d been feeling himself slipping again.   
Could feel himself about to fall off the edge.   
He was so incredibly lonely.   
Maybe a stray cat could help.   
“Minseok?” Kyungsoo was looking at him intently, worry in his eyes. “You’d let us know if you were getting bad again, wouldn’t you hyung?”   
Minseok nodded, and wiped his hands over his eyes. He stood up and nodded again, firmer this time.   
“I want to keep him.”   
Kyungsoo’s face broke out into his little heart shaped grin, and he held the cat out to Minseok. It meowed pitifully, and Minseok scooped him into his arms and held him close.   
‘At least I can try and look after you.’ He thought, after saying goodbye to Kyungsoo.   
He took a selca with the cat and sent it to the group chat with his brothers.   
‘Hyung! You never told us you were getting a cat!’ Was Jongin’s reply.   
‘It was kind of unexpected.’ Was his. 

That night he couldn’t sleep well, even with the cat purring by his head. So he tried not to disturb it as he got up and pulled on a jumper. Minseok made his way to the kitchen, made a mug of tea, and sat himself down on the window seat.   
He remembers sitting opposite Luhan on this seat, legs intertwined as they both read, laughing and smiling at each other.   
Minseok leans his head against the window, looking out at the sun beginning to rise.   
There’s a little ‘purrp’ sound and he looks down to see the cat looking up at him with expectant eyes. he pats the cushion next to him, and the cat jumps up, and climbs onto his lap, curling up and beginning to purr as Minseok strokes at one of it’s little white paws.   
“You need a name if I’m keeping you.”   
The cat leans it’s head into Minseok’s hand.   
He looks out at the sky again, there’s one star that’s still shining brightly, despite the dark orange that the sky is turning.   
“Maybe I should call you Chen.”   
The cat purrs, and Minseok smiles.   
His little morning star.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we get to see some of Jongdae’s POV! Hopefully there will be more in the next chapters, I’m still just setting up the plot. Thank you everyone for reading!   
> My twitter if you want to cry about xiuchen with me is xmin_seokies
> 
> (Also chapter title inspired by Give a little love by Noah and the whale)


	3. I’d do anything (to be at your side)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy this chapter!  
> TW for panic attack but hopefully it’s not too bad.  
> song: I have nothing- Noah and the whale

I’m so drunk, Jongdae thinks as he sways slightly at the bar.  
Chanyeol and Baekhyun have just left- Baek doesn’t drink and Chanyeol had thrown up in the toilets. Jongdae decided to stay with Sehun and Yixing, even though he really does think he should have accepted Baekhyun’s offer to go home to theirs for the night.  
Oh well- he might as well enjoy himself while he’s here.  
He asks the bartender for a glass of water, a pint for himself and Yixing as well as Sehun’s incredibly complicated and way too alcoholic cocktail. It’s way too crowded at the bar and he can’t wait to go back to his friends and listen to Sehun complain about his crush on his coworker -Jong-something-or-other.  
Then someone taps him on the shoulder. Jongdae has to look up to see their face and he sways backward a little bit.  
The hand grasps at his shoulder to steady him.  
“Do I know you from somewhere? You seem familiar.” The other man says, and Jongdae has to wrack his brains to try and place him.  
“I don’t think so...” He says and turns back to the bar to see if the bartender is finished with his drinks.  
The man turns him around again.  
“I’d remember someone like you.”  
The way he raked his eyes up and down his body made Jongdae feel suddenly very exposed, the mesh shirt way too cold and he wished he hadn’t left his jacket at his table.  
“I really don’t know who you are, I’m sorry.”  
The man’s hand holds his. His grip is too tight, and Jongdae can feel his nails sticking into his skin.  
He doesn’t know what to do.  
“Hey.” He hears another voice.  
“Do you know this guy?”  
There’s another guy stood next to him. He’s looking at Jongdae intently.  
Jongdae shakes his head, nervous.  
“Let go of him.” The new man says to the guy gripping Jongdae’s hand. “Now.”  
The other man lets go, and walks away grumbling.  
Jongdae slumps with relief, leaning on the bar. His drinks are finished.  
“Are you okay?”  
The new guy seems really nervous.  
Jongdae nods. “Yeah.. I just want to go back to my friends.”  
The guy nods, and gestures to the drinks. “Do you want me to help you carry these?”

The walk back to Sehun and Yixing, who ask who the guy is. Jongdae blanks, realising he hadn’t asked him what his name was.  
“Oh, I’m Jaehyun.” He says.  
“It’s nice to meet you.”  
Jongdae thinks Jaehyun has a really nice smile. 

Jongdae wakes up on the window seat, shivering.  
He feels a sick feeling in his stomach, so he stretches out his little legs, and jumps down to try and find Minseok.  
He’s in the kitchen, leaning on the counter with his head in his hands. There’s a mug next to him, but it’s not steaming, so Jongdae thinks it might have gone cold.  
He’s still shaking a little bit on his kitty paws, so he does his best little ‘meow’ and looks up expectantly at the other man (person. Human.)  
Minseok looks down at him, and smiles. Jongdae really wants to be held. He’s scared.  
Jaehyun is still next door.  
He’s so close and Jongdae is so scared.  
So many ‘what ifs’ are running through his mind about how Jaehyun will react when he gets home, how angry he’ll be-  
Big hands reach around his middle and Jongdae squawks as he gets lifted into the air and plonked ungracefully onto the counter, four legs in all directions.  
A big hand smooths the fur on top of his head and plays with one of his ears.  
“Sorry Chen,” Minseok’s smile comes into view. “That probably wasn’t very nice was it?”  
Jongdae purrs. And he doesn’t exactly hate the feeling. He bumps his head against Minseok’s hand, looking for comfort.  
“You’re shaking.”  
Minseok scratches behind his ear.  
“Did you have a bad dream?” He then pauses to think. “Do cats dream?”  
‘Yes!’ Jongdae thinks in his head. ‘Yes, and it was horrible.’  
They stay like that for a while, with Minseok stroking Jongdae’s head, Jongdae purring gently. 

Minseok made the decision to leave Chen while he went to work.  
It wasn’t a good idea, retrospectively.  
He opened the door, calling out the name of his new little cat, only to stop in horror when he saw the mess that once was his apartment.  
Feathers form the cushions everywhere, several jars had fallen and smashed, and the tap was somehow on.  
“Chen?” Minseok called. His little cat was nowhere to be seen, so he toed off his shoes and dropped his bag, and started to walk slowly around the apartment, trying to figure out where the tabby had gone.  
“Chennie?” He looked underneath the sofa. Nothing.  
Then he noticed the door of his bedroom was slightly open.  
He peeked his head around the corner, and smiled knowingly at the lump underneath the duvet.  
Slowly, he lifted the blanket to see his little cat curled up in a ball.  
Minseok was about to start scolding him, but stopped.  
Chen was shaking.  
He frowned. Chen looked tense, his tail puffed up and his hackles on his neck raised, making him look like a spiky ball of fluff rather than the smart little tabby he had originally adopted.  
“Chennie?” He said softly, and held out his hand. He gently stroked the top of the cats’ head, moving his hand back when he realised the cat had flinched away from him.  
“Chennie, I won’t hurt you...”  
The little cat took notice of him then, and though still shaking, he pushed his head onto Minseok’s hand.  
‘Pick him up!’ Minseok’s brain supplied, and against his better nature, he scooped the little cat into his arms so he was holding him as if he was a baby.  
The cat had stopped shaking, but still looked scared.  
Then Minseok realised.  
Chen was a cat, he couldn’t understand why Minseok had left for the day.  
“I didn’t tell you that I was coming back, did I?”  
The cat shuffled in his arms slightly.  
Minseok smiled and rubbed the soft fur on Chen’s (spotty!) belly.  
“Don’t worry Chennie,” Chen began to purr. “I’m not leaving you alone.”  
He spends the rest of the evening carrying on with his work, making up a pot of rose extract and trying to pour it all into vials without Chen knocking them all over out of curiosity. 

He’s just fed Chen, and ha begun cooking for himself when he gets a phone call.  
He checks the caller ID- it’s Baekhyun. He quickly drops what he was doing to pick up the call.  
“Baek?  
“Minseok!”  
The other man’s voice seems relieved, and he carries on, “We think, well Yeol thinks we’ve found a way to find Jongdae.”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah...” Baek pauses.  
“Baek, you still there?”  
“It’s risky but... our friend Sehun is a divination witch, and he’s getting really good at scrying...”  
Minseok nearly drops his phone.  
Scrying is the typical ‘looking into a crystal ball method’, but often warped and manipulated by popular media into seeing the future. You can’t just see the future through scrying, you can see the present, the past... whatever the life force deems important for you to see in that moment.  
“I don’t think its a good idea.” Minseok is saying before he even realises.  
“Why? He’s good at it and if it helps us find Jongdae-“  
“No!”  
Baekhyun goes silent on the other end of the line.  
“If... if you’re going to use scrying, please leave me out of it.”  
Minseok hangs up, ignoring Baekhyun’s voice pleading him to explain what he means.  
Minseok can’t think.  
If he’s honest, he doesn’t know much about scrying.  
Just what Lu Han told him. Just what Lu Han had showed him.  
Lu Han pouring black scented water into a bowl. Lu Han rubbing oil on his body. Lu Han staring into a mirror for hours on end.  
Lu Han jumping back from what he saw.  
Lu Han crying on the floor of their bathroom.  
Minseok holding him and he cried and shook.  
Lu Han telling Minseok that “I saw my own death. I saw my own death Minseok and I don’t have long.”  
Minseok didn’t realise that he was sitting on the floor, but he can feel tears pouring down his cheeks and his phone is in his hand.  
“It’s too dangerous,” He mutters to no one.  
“It’s too dangerous...”  
He puts his head in his hands and tries to stop crying, biting his lip to try and muffle his sobs so Chen doesn’t hear him from the other end of the apartment.  
He wipes a hand over his eyes, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes to stem the flow of tears.  
He’s shaking even though he’s no longer crying.  
He goes for his phone and tries to find Junmyeon or Jongin’s numbers, he just needs one of his brothers to talk to him but his hands feel numb?  
Why do his hands feel numb?  
Then he notices the heart palpitations.  
His heart is going so fast and it feels like its missing a beat..  
‘I’m having a heart attack.’ He thinks. ’I’m having a heart attack and I’m sat on my kitchen floor and I’m going to die all by myself.’  
’I’m going to die alone just like Lu Han.’  
Then he feels little paws on his lap. Little paws on his chest.  
He’s now lying down, still shaking, but Chen is lying on his chest. He’s purring, and Minseok slowly lifts a hand to stroke him.  
They lay there, until Minseok is no longer hyperventilating. Chen continues to purr as Minseok tries to gather the energy to get up. 

As soon as he manages to get himself into a sitting position, the door opens.  
“Hyung?”  
It’s Jongin’s voice, but he can hear Junmyeon with him too.  
“I’m in here...” He manages to say, his voice cracking.  
Chen has settled into his lap, and he continues to stroke the back of his head slowly.  
“Hyung?”  
It’s Jongin at his side.  
“Do you want to go to bed?”  
Minseok nods.  
“Would you like a bath first hyung?” Asks Junmyeon.  
Minseok shakes his head.

Chen jumps off his lap and Minseok lets Jongin help him up and support him to his room as he walks on shaky legs.  
His younger brother helps him pull of his clothes, and put on a sleep shirt and helps him into bed.  
Minseok got over feeling embarrassed after his panic attacks months ago. He’s used to it now.  
Junmyeon is holding Chen, who is positively scrabbling at Minseok’s brother in an attempt to escape his hold and jump onto the bed. Junmyeon lets him go, and Chen curls up in Minseok’s arms.  
“He’s a good cat.” Whispers Minseok.  
“Get some sleep, hyung.” Replies Junmyeon, stroking at Minseok’s hair and leaving the room, Jongin not far behind.  
Minseok falls asleep quickly that night, comforted by Chen’s own little rumbling lullaby next to his ear.


	4. Love Will Be Cherished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Kim family bonding and a complication.

His brothers were still there in the morning when Minseok woke up with a raging headache.  
He leaves the comfort of his bedroom to see Junmyeon sipping tea from one of his nicest mugs and Jongin eating all his cereal- with Chen helping, so it seemed. If by helping, you meant batting around little pieces of cereal and making a mess on his nice, clean counters.  
“Hi hyung!” Jongin says with a mouthful of Rice Krispies, “I love your cat!”  
“Thanks?” Minseok still feels a little out of it. It had been months since he had a panic attack like that, months since he’d really felt this low.  
Junmyeon pats the seat next to him, offering out another mug of tea.  
Minseok takes it and curled up next to his younger brother.  
“You said you were feeling okay the other day, hyung.”  
“I know.” Minseok whispers back. “I don’t know how it got that bad.”  
Junmyeon puts a comforting hand on Minseok’s shoulder, and Jongin sits down next to him and places his empty bowl on the coffee table.  
“Hyung, please can I lie with my head in your lap?”  
Minseok nods, and strokes his younger brother’s hair when he lies down. 

“How are you and your boyfriend?”  
Jongin and his boyfriend have been dating for coming up to half a year. Minseok smiles when Jongin blushes cutely and smiles.  
“We’re good, hyung, thank you.”  
When Jongin and his boyfriend started dating, it was Junmyeon who told Minseok. Jongin was scared- scared that by telling his eldest brother about the cute divination witch that he’d just started dating that he would be rubbing salt into the wounds of Luhan’s death.  
Minseok had held him tight, and maybe cried a little, when he found out. Now he made to sure to always ask Jongin how they were getting on.  
“We’re actually... thinking about moving in together.”  
“Jongin that’s amazing!” Junmyeon has to put down his tea to try and lean over Minseok to hug the youngest.  
“Hopefully... we need to find somewhere where he can keep His dog, Vivi.”  
Minseok smiles at the thought; his baby brother moving in with a boyfriend for the first time.  
This was what he needed. Needed to be around people who loved him, people who knew.  
If he could stop time now, he would.  
Just to be alone with his brothers, who understood him. Who loved him.  
“Hyung,” Junmyeon breaks the silence.  
“You need to know that we love you. We’re always going to be here for you.”  
Minseok nods, chewing at his lip.  
“Hyung,” Jongin starts before being interrupted by Chen, who lets out a little “mrow” noise and puts his front legs on the sofa by Jongin’s head, who moves out of the way so that the little cat can jump up.  
Chen meows again and settles himself in Minseok’s lap, kneading at his legs with gentle paws. Jongin laughs and strokes his little head, Chen pushing his cheek into Jongin’s hand.  
“Hyung, we just want you to know that we love you.”  
Minseok lays his head on Jongin’s shoulder.  
“Thank you.”  
Even though last night was so, so horrible, Minseok hasn’t felt this okay in a while. He knows his brothers are there for him, and he’s not alone anymore. It was the loneliness that was really getting to him. Being on edge all the time because there’s no one there to make you realise that you’re okay, that everything is actually fine.  
He looks across the room, sees that his plants are thriving. Life has, slowly, been getting better recently. There has been more business at the shop, his plants are growing much better, his potions working better, the sun even seems to shine brighter on him.  
He looks at the little cat on his lap, and smiles.  
‘Maybe Chen is a little miracle worker’, he thinks. 

The peace didn’t last long.  
Junmyeon and Jongin left at around late-afternoon, early evening, after having some lunch and catching up on funny stories of Junmyeon’s latest patients at the hospital. Minseok bid them goodbye at the door, and set about cleaning up the mess made by his brothers.  
He looked and Chen and pointed to the mess of milk and cereal dust on the counter. “I blame you for this.” He said, and the little cat tilted it’s head as if to say, ‘I don’t know what you mean.’  
“Ah, you’re so messy.” Minseok sighs, but strokes Chen’s head anyway, smiling at the way the cat begins to weave through his legs, asking to be fed.  
“Okay, I’ll feed you.”  
“Mrrooowww”  
“I’m doing it!”  
Minseok reaches into the cupboard to grab the bag with Chen’s food in, and the cat stretches up so he’s stood on his back legs for a second before going back to prowling through Minseok’s legs.  
“I can’t walk to your bowl if you’re doing that, silly cat.” He picks up Chen under one arm so that he can make the journal from the kitchen to living room easily.  
At first, he’d tried to put Chen’s food and water bowl in the kitchen, where the floor could be easily cleaned, but the cat wouldn’t eat if Minseok was out of sight, and would instead sit there and yowl. For the sake of Chen’s health and his own sanity, Minseok begrudgingly moved the food bowl onto a mat in the corner of his living room (with a lovely cream carpet- hence the importance of the mat). He was lucky that Chen was a very careful eater.  
He was flicking through channels on the tv when there came a knock on the door.  
Minseok mutes the tv and waits for a second, trying to make sure he hadn’t imagined it. He hadn’t been expecting anyone, Baekhyun or Chanyeol would have called, Kyungsoo never turned up without telling him first. The unexpectedness of the knock made a sick anxious feeling settle in his stomach, and apparently he wasn’t the only one nervous.  
Chen had stopped eating, and was stood staring at the door, tail fluffed up and fur on his back looking spiky.  
Minseok picks up the cat and tries to soothe him, stroking behind his ear. Instead of purring, Chen stays completely rigid, unmoving. “Chennie, it’s okay,” Minseok starts to move toward the door, but yelps in surprise as Chen hisses and scrabbbles at his arm in an attempt to get away. Minseok drops him to clutch at the scratches on his arm.  
When he looks up, he doesn’t even know where Chen has gone.  
The knock at the door comes again, louder and more impatient this time.  
Minseok curses and grabs a tissue, trying to stop the little beads of blood on his forearms.  
He opens the door, apologising for making whoever it is wait; “Sorry- my cat scratched me...”  
Then he looks up, and sees who it is.  
Minseok doesn’t know his name.  
But he recognises him. How could he not?  
He’d seen him in the elevator, on the stairs, in the corridor.  
He’s tall, much taller than Minseok, with short hair and dark eyes.  
It’s Jongdae’s boyfriend, he’s pretty sure.  
“Can I help you?” Minseok steels himself, completely aware of what the man can do.  
“Do you know Jongdae?” The man’s tone is impatient.  
“Other than him being my neighbour, no. I don’t.”  
“Do you know where he is?”  
Minseok can see the man looking around his apartment through the doorway, and he tries to block his view as best as he can.  
“No. Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you.”  
“What if I was just worried about him?” The man smiles, but he doesn’t look worried. He looks angry, and Minseok wishes that Jongdae is okay wherever he is, and that this cruel, cruel man never finds him.  
“I know you aren’t worried. Please get out of my doorway.”  
The man doesn’t move straight away.  
“I’m asking you politely.”  
Minseok may not be tall, but he stares the man in the eye, until he mutters something under his breath and walks away.  
Minseok breathes a sigh of relief, having never liked confrontation, and shuts the door as fast as he can, locking it as well.  
His first thought is ‘Where’s Chen?’.  
He calls out for the cat, but he’s nowhere to be seen. He remembers that when Chen was scared yesterday he hid under his duvet, but when he peeks his head into his bedroom expecting to see a little round ball, there’ nothing there.  
“Chennie?” He calls out, worried about his little cat.  
As he’s looking around his apartment, he hears a tiny little sound, the most pathetic little “mew” and it breaks his heart.  
The little sound gets more frequent, and Minseok tries to follow it. He’s in his corridor when he cries out again, “Chen?”  
A horrible yowling sound starts and Minseok takes a moment to figure out where it’s coming from and his heart is in his stomach.  
He opens the door of the bathroom to see Chen sprawled on the floor, yowling and shaking.  
“Chennie,” Minseok breathes and scoops the cat into his lap and holds him tight, stroking one hand slowly down his back.  
Chen stops crying out, but is still making uncontrollable little whimpers as he stops shaking as much. He lets out a pitiful “mrow” and Minseok strokes behind his ears. “I’m here, Chennie. I’m here.”

Minseok is lying in bed with a mug of tea on his bedside table, and a well fed and purring Chen curled up on the pillow next to him with his laptop on his lap. He chews on his lip as he types into the search bar.  
‘Panic attacks in cats.’  
He reads, amazed, learning that stress seizures are actually pretty common in cats who are, well, stressed. There’s a long list of things that set them off, but what really stands out to him on the list is abandonment and abuse.  
From the way Chen reacts to loud noises, being alone, even the loud knocking on the door earlier and the way he’d freaked out... it doesn’t seem so far fetched. But Minseok’s heart aches to think that anyone could ever have hurt his perfect little kitty. He puts his laptop away and lays down, curling up under his duvet with his head on the pillow next to his cat. Even just looking at the little ball of fluff, and how his stripes are less obvious at the most fluffy parts of his body, brings a smile to his face.  
“I’ll look after you Chennie. I’ll look after you.”

Sehun had refused to help them, in the end. Chanyeol as well, had turned to Baekhyun after hearing what Minseok said on the phone, “Baek, I don’t think we should try it by ourselves.”  
“Why not?” Baekhyun remembers he’d gotten angry way too quickly. “Are you giving up?”  
Chanyeol sighed, “No... I don’t think we should try something as difficult as scrying when neither of us have divination experience.” He’d put his arms around Baekhyun, and he’d tried hard not to shrug him off in his anger. “Jongdae wouldn’t want us to get hurt trying to find him-“  
That was what set him off.  
“Stop talking like he’s dead!”  
Chanyeol had stepped back, eyes wide and hurt.  
“Everyone keeps talking about him like he’s gone! But I know he’s close... I know it.”

Baekhyun had slipped out of bed at midnight, the witching hour, leaving Chanyeol in a deep sleep.  
Now he’s sitting down on the bathroom floor, his phone with instructions on beside him. Baekhyun lights the candles and whispers an incantation, filling up a large metal bowl with oil. It looks black, inky, and too deep for it’s container.  
Baekhyun waits for the ripples to stop, waits until the oil is completely still, and then he stares.  
It feels like hours until he sees something, but then a picture begins to form.  
‘Show me Jongdae,’ he thinks, ‘please, let me know if he’s alright.’ And he’s never wished for anything harder in his life.  
The picture becomes clearer.  
Jongdae is sat on his bathroom floor, kneels pulled up to his chest and hugging himself. He’s shaking. Baekhyun can hear shouting and a crash and Jongdae flinches and cries harder. The door flies open and Baekhyun has to stop himself from flinching back and breaking the trance. It’s Jaehyun, he grabs Jongdae by his wrist and pulls him, Jongdae scrambling for something to hold onto, fingernails scratching helplessly at the tiles. Jaehyun yanks Jongdae to him and Jongdae screams.  
Baekhyun can’t take it anymore.  
The trance breaks.  
He wipes away his tears and crawls back over to the bowl. “Please...”  
He chokes up, “Please...”  
The water begins to shift, and he gasps in surprise.  
Jongdae is curled up on the floor of the bathroom- but it’s not his. The towels are different, the shower curtain is a deep blue, not the horrible one that Jongdae bought with the tropical fish on. It’s not his bathroom, but Jongdae is still on the floor, crying.  
The door opens again, a horrible mirror of what Baekhyun just saw. But this time, Jongdae doesn’t flinch away; he lifts his head, and whispers a name. Baekhyun can’t hear what he says, but the other person suddenly comes int view.  
It’s Minseok. Jongdae’s form flickers, like he’s not actually there, and Baekhyun watches in disbelief as he watches his friend disappear, revealing a small tabby cat in his place.  
Minseok pulls the cat into his lap, and strokes him and cares for him and comforts him. And Baekhyun is crying.  
He runs to his bedroom, runs to Chanyeol, shaking him awake.  
“Baek... what is it?” Chanyeol is hardly awake, but Baekhyun needs to tell him.  
“I know where Jongdae is!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so i spent a lot of time researching anxiety in cats and it? Made me so so sad?? But yeah what happens to Chennie/Cat!Dae in this is that he has a stress seizure- which can happen to any cat! If it happens you should take them to the vet to make sure they’re okay, but normally its not a sign of anything dangerous.  
> Anyway!!! Enough rambling- chapter title is from Nature by Luhan, which is my absolute favourite song at the moment and i have decided it is The Song for this fic. Go check it out!  
> Anyway, thank you all for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh ok so this is my first fic ever! I’ve literally been reading fics for years but I’ve never even thought about writing my own until this little plot idea popped into my head and I just thought hey why not ahaha.  
> This isn’t edited or beta read so I really hope its ok! And I hope you guys enjoy it- pls let me know what you think in the comments!  
> title influenced by forest witch king Hozier. 
> 
> My twitter if you want to cry about xiuchen and/or Jongdae with me: xmin_seokies


End file.
